How do you address behaviour that needs to change without damaging trust?

You know the feedback needs to be given. But how do you address the behaviour without damaging the relationship especially when the person is a strong performer?

You value their contribution. You don’t want to undermine their confidence or make them feel criticised. So you soften the message, wait for a better moment, or hope they’ll recognise the issue themselves.

Meanwhile, a team member dominates meetings. A colleague dismisses opposing views. A high performer delivers results but struggles to bring others along.

The dilemma isn’t whether to give feedback. It’s how to be honest without making it personal.

When good intentions get in the way

Imagine a high-performing team member who regularly interrupts colleagues and pushes decisions through before others can contribute.

You value their results, but important perspectives are being missed.

You finally say, “It would be good to involve others a little more.”

They nod. The meeting ends. Nothing changes.

The problem? Your feedback was too vague to help them understand what needed to change.

Avoiding discomfort may protect the relationship in the short term, but it can also limit someone’s opportunity to grow.

A practical way to approach feedback

The Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) recommends the Situation–Behaviour–Impact (SBI) model.

• Situation: When and where did it happen?
• Behaviour: What did you observe?
• Impact: How did it affect the team or outcome?

Instead of saying, “You need to be more collaborative,” try:

“In yesterday’s meeting, you moved to a decision before two colleagues had shared their views. We may have missed some important perspectives. How did you see the discussion?”

The difference is subtle but important. You’re describing an observable behaviour, explaining its impact and inviting the other person’s perspective, rather than judging their character.

Before the conversation, separate what you observed from what you assume. Describe the behaviour, explain its impact, and stay curious about the other person’s intent.

Put it into practice

Before your next difficult conversation, focus on three things.

• Be specific.

Replace “You need to be more strategic” with an observable example:

“In our last two planning meetings, we moved into delivery options before agreeing on the longer-term outcome.”

Specific feedback gives the person something they can act on.

• Invite their perspective.

Ask, “How did you see it?” or “What were you trying to achieve?”

Listening doesn’t mean withdrawing your feedback. It helps you understand the situation more fully and distinguish intent from impact.

• Agree on what changes next.

Identify a practical action and how you’ll review progress. For example, you might agree that a team member will invite other perspectives before closing a decision, then revisit how this is working in your next one-to-one.

Feedback is more useful when the person understands what they can do differently.

Before you begin, ask yourself:

• What did I observe?
• What impact did it have?
• What do I want to change?
• How can I open the conversation constructively?

You don’t need to script every word. You need clarity about the issue and a willingness to listen.

When the stakes are higher

Feedback becomes more complex when it involves a senior stakeholder, competing priorities or a relationship you depend on.

In these situations, the challenge isn’t just finding the right words. It’s understanding the dynamics, anticipating reactions and deciding how to move the conversation forward without losing sight of the outcome.

This is where working through a real situation can help leaders consider different approaches, prepare for difficult responses and build confidence in how they communicate.

At Passion Wheel Coaching Services, we help senior leaders navigate challenging conversations, stakeholder relationships and decisions that require clarity and judgement.

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